Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
