i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
