I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
