What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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