I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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