How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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