I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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