The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
