I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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