THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mom said you looked used
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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