i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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