I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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