also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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