census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
