I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
