I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
