no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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