You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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