hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
