sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
