I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
