So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
