Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
