mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
