sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
