You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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