She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
