i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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