i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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