Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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