you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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