So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
