We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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