you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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