does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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