Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
