I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Small penises have feelings too.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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