You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
