you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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