Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
