Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
