The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
