Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
