Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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