She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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