so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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