he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
