I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
