so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
