I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
